White Horse
by Arceliaaaa
Summary: In which Shinichi has loved Kaito from the start, but when he finally stops tormenting her and finds out, it's just too late. fem!Shinichi


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Summary: In which Shinichi has loved Kaito from the start, but when he finally stops tormenting her and finds out, it's just too late. fem!Shinichi**

 **Word Count Excluding A/N: 1952**

* * *

 __ **White Horse**

* * *

"He hates me." Shinichi whispered, a sad look in her blue eyes.

"Shin-chan…" Yukiko said softly, a sympathetic look in her blue eyes-the ones that Shinichi had inherited.

"He fell in love with the child version of me. He fell in love with someone who didn't truly exist." Shinichi's voice broke, her eyes welling up with tears, quite uncharacteristic of her. "Edogawa Christine. Is it bad that I hate that version of myself?" Shinichi asked, pain written all over her face.

"Oh, Shin-chan…" Yukiko gathered her sobbing daughter into her arms. She felt so helpless, and her little Shinichi- brave, strong, beautiful, Shinichi, looked absolutely devastated.

"I want to tell him the truth. The whole truth. About the Black Organization. About my time as Christine. About how I…" Shinichi's voice broke as another wave of tears cascaded down her face. Somehow managing to barely compose herself. "I just want to tell him how much I love him. I just want an ideal fairytale ending."

* * *

"Shinichi?" Shinichi looked up as she heard Hakuba's voice.

"Hakuba." She managed a smile, before looking at the girl next to him in bemusement. "Why are you here? And who's your friend?" She inquired politely, smiling to the Ran lookalike.

"This is Nakamori Aoko, daughter of Nakamori-keibu of the Ekoda district," Hakuba started. "And we're here to visit the museum."

"Have fun, then." Shinichi gave a genuine smile, before turning to walk away.

"Wait, are you going to Kaitou Kid's heist next week?" Hakuba called. Shinichi bit her lip, before nodding hesitantly.

"I'm going, but afterwards, I'm not going anymore. I'll help Inspector Nakamori solve the heist notes, but I'm not going ever again, after next week." Shinichi answered, swallowing uncomfortably.

"Why aren't you going?" Aoko spoke up for the first time in the conversation, tilting her head to the side.

"To put things simply, Kid hates-no, loathes me. Every heist, he humiliates me in front of the people I work with, make a laughingstock out of me, it's general embarrassment and all of that. Don't get me wrong-Kid is an amazing magician, but he hates me, and since I'm never able to catch him anyways, there's no exact point for me to be present at the heists." Shinichi explained, a mournful look passing over her face, before disappearing just as quickly.

"Oh." Aoko murmured.

"Well, bye then. Have fun, you two." Shinichi smiled before fully turning around and walking away.

"Is Kid really mean to Kudou-chan?" Aoko asked, glancing over to Hakuba. Hakuba nodded grimly.

"He is quite cruel to her, and seems to target her more than everyone else." Hakuba said softly, looking at the fading figure of Shinichi with a sad and sympathetic look. He's tried to tell Kaito-who he suspects of being Kid, to tone it down, but the magician never listened, choosing instead to continue tormenting Shinichi.

* * *

Kaito walked home casually after school, along with Aoko.

"Hakuba and I met Kudou Shinichi the other day. She was really nice." Aoko chirped, missing Kaito's look of hatred at Shinichi's name.

"Why would you want to meet _her_?" Kaito hissed under his breath. Not hearing him, Aoko continued happily.

"Apparently next week is the final Kid heist she's attending." Hearing this, Kaito tuned out the rest of Aoko's conversation with him, choosing instead to think of how he was going to make the next heist extra _special_ for the detective.

* * *

It was the day of the heist. Kaito was walking by the girl's restroom-in a disguise, of course, when he saw _her_. Hatred boiled up in him immediately as he saw Shinichi. Thinking on the spot, he grabbed her, and shoved her into a closet. Shinichi's eyes widened in panic.

He took a moment, and saw how fragile and fearful the detective looked. Her luminous blue eyes were filled with panic, and fear. She was unhealthily thin, and extremely pale. There were dark circles under her eyes, emphasizing her lack of sleep.

But before he could allow himself to continue staring at her, he slammed the closet door shut.

"Let me out!" He allowed himself a second to smirk at the sound of panic in Shinichi's voice, before moving away.

* * *

"Where's Shinichi?" Ran asked. She had came with her childhood friend to the heist. And the heist was starting, and Shinichi was nowhere to be seen. Ran looked around. Usually, Shinichi should be here by now. Thinking about it, Ran realized that she hadn't seen Shinichi since the detective had left for the bathroom.

" _Ladies and Gentlemen._ " She heard Kid's introduction, but tuned it out. She didn't notice the phantom thief, until the thief was standing in front of her. She looked around, and saw that the task force and Hakuba were all stuck to the floor.

"Pray tell, ojou-san, what are you searching for?" Kid asked smoothly, handing a red rose to Ran.

"Where's Shinichi?" Ran asked coldly. She knew of Kid's constant targeting of Shinichi. A flash of hatred made it's way through Kid's face at Shinichi's name, but Ran ignored it. "Where. Is. Shinichi?" Ran repeated, this time slower.

"Oh, she's probably in some closet somewhere." Kid waved her question off, before freezing at Ran's look of panic.

"You idiot! Shinichi's claustrophobic. She has a fear, a legit fear of enclosed or small spaces. Where did you put her?" Ran yelled. Paling, Kid led Ran the way to the closet in which Shinichi was trapped within, and opened the closet quickly.

Inside, Shinichi was shaking, her skin paler than how it was earlier, and her eyes wide and uncomprehending. Her arms were wrapped around her body, and she was propped up against the back of the interior of the closet.

"Shinichi!" Ran called, pulling her friend out of the closet quickly, shooting Kid a venomous glare. Filled with concern for her friend, Ran looked into Shinichi's eyes, seeing the panic, fear, and vulnerableness in her eyes.

"R-ran. Get me a-away f-from here, p-please." Shinichi stuttered, leaning into Ran's hold. Ran nodded quickly, giving Kid one last glance. Kid was staring at Shinichi, with a mixture of hatred and regret on his face, as Ran led Shinichi away.

* * *

"Meitantei-san." Shinichi froze as she heard Kid's voice, her mind going on autopilot, trying to lockdown as her gaze met the indigo ones of Kid.

"What are you doing here?" Shinichi backed away from where Kid was standing, fear automatically showing in her blue eyes. Kid hesitated.

"I'm here to apologize. I didn't know you were claustrophobic." Kid replied, stepping closer to Shinichi, managing to keep any loathing or hatred out of his voice. Shinichi's eyes hardened.

"So, if I weren't claustrophobic, you would have no issue with locking me into a closet?" Shinichi challenged.

"Here, I was, just trying to apologize." Kid spoke dramatically.

"Cut it out, with your games. I'm not giving you information about _her_." Shinichi hissed. Kid stiffened.

"I just wanted to know why Edogawa Christine seemed to disappear off the face of Earth." Kid said coldly.

"I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. Edogawa Christine moved, away from _Japan_ , away from _you_." Shinichi shot back. Kid abandoned all pretenses of coming here to apologize to Shinichi, instead he shoved Shinichi backwards.

"What the hell is even your problem? I just want to know what happened to Christine. She wouldn't leave without telling me." Kid spoke in one of the coldest tones he ever used. Shinichi's heartbeat sped up at the fire in the indigo eyes, as she tried to look as unruffled as she could.

"My problem, is you and your constant obnoxiousness. And if you really think Christine wouldn't leave without telling you, then maybe you don't know her nearly as well as you think." Shinichi shouted, losing the rest of her patience. "Besides," She added in undertone. "You wouldn't believe me anyways."

* * *

Ever since the last time Shinichi saw Kid, she's been in a constant spiral downwards, into depression. Ran got extremely worried, and ended up calling Hattori Heiji over to help with Shinichi's situation.

"What's wrong?" Heiji asked, his voice soft. He caught hold of Shinichi's arm, as she tried to walk away from him. Ran had told him that Shinichi often had lunch at a small cafe, before heading home, so as it was noon, Heiji had went to the cafe, and true to Ran's word, Shinichi was there.

"Hattori?" Shinichi turned around in surprise, her light brown hair flying. "What are you doing here?"

"Nee-chan told me that you seemed a bit depressed. So, what's going on?" Heiji saw Shinichi fiddle with the sleeve of her sweater, and as the sleeve moved up, he saw something. Desperately praying that he were wrong, he grabbed Shinichi's arm gently, but firmly, ignoring Shinichi's protests as he moved the sleeve of her sweater up.

There, on her pale forearm and wrist, were lines. Some faded, some fresh. Scars and cuts, all there on her arm.

Heiji's eyes were wide with horror.

"Shinichi. You always said that life was important." Heiji started.

"Leave me alone, Hattori. I'm fine!" Shinichi interjected, trying to leave, but Heiji wouldn't allow that to happen.

"Shinichi! Just tell me what's wrong!" Heiji shouted.

"Everything! Okay? Everything's wrong! I just need some space, some closure. I just want people to _leave me alone_!. I just want a break from the world!" Shinichi yelled in reply, before cutting herself off abruptly, horror and dread filling her eyes as she started to back away as she realized what she'd said.

"Shinichi, I'm sorry that he doesn't love you." So Heiji _did_ get the whole story. "But you can't just try to cut yourself off from the world!" Shinichi continued to back away desperately.

"Shinichi!" Heiji shouted, seeing where Shinichi was backing up to, that the girl wasn't noticing.

"Just leave me alone!" Shinichi cried, turning to run, when she realized that the light for pedestrians on the crosswalk was red. But it was too late. The car had already hit the brakes, but it was too late. Shinichi fell to the floor.

"Shinichi!" Heiji shouted, running over to Shinichi, dialling the emergency number as he went. Shinichi's vision was going blurry. "C'mon, Shinichi, stay awake!" But she couldn't. The darkness was overwhelming. And then everything seemed to disappear.

* * *

She woke up on the hospital bed, her family and friends crowded around her. After they all left, she prepared herself for a night of hopefully peaceful rest.

"Meitantei-san?" She froze as she heard the phantom thief's voice.

"What do you want?" She already wanted this conversation to stop. It was reminding her too much of the one from just a couple weeks ago.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you." Kid said, with genuine sorrow and regret filling his face, as he walked over, next to Shinichi's hospital bed.

"It-It's," Shinichi hesitated. Her mind wanted her to say not okay, but her heart just wanted Kid to love her. In the end, her heart won out. "It's okay, I guess." Hearing this, Kaito's face brightened.

"I had another question. Will you give me just one chance to win your heart over?" Kaito asked softly. So many thoughts whirled through Shinichi's mind.

"You had my heart from the start, Kuroba-kun," Here, Kaito froze. How did she know his name? "But I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I need to move on, and after all this time, I can't fully dedicate myself to someone who's spent a good portion of the time he knew me, tormenting and humiliating me."

* * *

" _And it's too late for you, and your white horse,_

 _too come around."_

 _-Taylor Swift, "White Horse"_


End file.
